The bad news? Social comparison is an innate human feature, so doing it is inevitable. However, the good news? The negative mindset and thoughts that stem from such comparisons CAN be stopped, leading to a fulfilled and content life.
It's happened to everyone. You get a 90% on your math test after hours of studying, but your proud smile is only momentary when you see the girl next to you effortlessly get 100%. Your stomach pits and blood rushes to your face. It's only natural to feel a chip to your self esteem and a flare to your ego, often the result of envy and disappointment in yourself. How can you be proud of the fruits of your labor when all you want to do is scream at the seeming unfairness of it all?
Remember that you're only seeing the result, not behind the scenes.
That girl who got 100%? You saw her paper, but you didn't see the practice problems she crunched for a week before. That seemingly flawless student athlete? You weren't there during the 6 AM runs or the tortuous ice baths.
The point being, you can't compare someone else's snapshot to your whole movie. Only you know your own struggles, so how are you being fair to yourself if you compare that to another's winning moment?
Negativity bias is a thing.
It makes sense, doesn't it? Humans are hardwired to look out for danger, for any sign of trouble. That's why it's easy to overlook 9 great moments and hyper-focus on the one bad moment we come across. Research suggests that we not only register negative events more deeply, but we also tend to replay them in our minds. We are more likely to shape our worldview and form decisions based on our negative experiences rather than our positive ones.
We can keep focusing on what we lack, or we can appreciate the things we have. While you're busy figuring out how you can be as likeable as the boy in math class, he's wondering how to be as witty as you are.
With the time you spend worrying about others, that same energy is better spent improving yourself and keeping yourself content. You deserve it!
Comparison can be a tool for good.
Since we are bound to do it anyways, we might as well milk it for all it's worth. Comparison plays into our astute observation skills, so why not hand out a compliment here or there? Spreading the kindness makes the recipient feels good, and also neutralizes the sting of envy you may have had. You can also use comparison to focus on your strengths. So what if your not an ultimate science whiz? When put into English class, your brain might bustle with ideas that no one else can seem to come up with.
All in all, don't rush to contrast yourself with someone else. In secret, everyone faces extraordinary difficulties. Contrasting yourself with somebody who is somewhere else in life is at last unjustifiable and useless. While this is easier said than done, avoiding social media and refraining to ask other students about their test scores and grades will be hard in the short term, but only make you happier in the long run.
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