If you had asked me a few years ago if I ever thought about getting any sort of counseling, or therapy I would’ve shrugged my shoulders and said “No, not really. I don’t have any big issues that I need to talk about, or have a mental disorder that needs to be addressed, so why would I need therapy? Plus, I have friends and family that listen”. Those are likely the exact words I used right before I found myself sitting across from a counselor years ago, after a devastating life event.
Never did I think I would need any kind of counseling. I always took pride in my problem-solving skills, and usually could find the answer to resolve the issue. However, I would later learn through several more devastating events, that some of life’s scenarios cannot be solved by a snap of a finger, and having people in your corner who are equipped with the knowledge to help you navigate those really rough times, is not only important, but also life-saving.
The first time I sat across from a counselor, I had just ended a 10-year relationship. I was devastated. I felt broken and sure that I would not mend from this emotional turmoil I was going through. Therapy was not on my list of things I could do to solve my problems, but I knew my family and friends were getting sick of hearing me complain about my sad life. I figured a counselor was getting paid to be there and listen to me, so at least it was a space to talk. I was nervous and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I told myself that I needed to keep an open mind and at least give it a try. No one was forcing me to go, so if I didn’t like it, I did not have to come back.
I chose a female therapist because I felt it would be easier to discuss my relationship issues. I remember her being very nice and friendly. She started by asking me why I was there. I started talking about my failed relationship, and the struggles I had mentally and emotionally with letting go. At first, I felt extremely nervous. I felt like I was just rambling on. However, the counselor was very patient and kind, and let me talk and get all my pent-up feelings out. I soon realized that I was talking with ease, and I was no longer nervous. I felt the heavy weight of the pain and grief I had held within, evaporate before my eyes.
Once I was finished with my story, I realized with tears streaming down my face, that this was the first time throughout this whole painful event I actually said everything I felt. I didn’t have anyone interrupting me, trying to console me. No one was trying to solve it for me, or persuade me to take a different tactic for resolution. It was surprising, yet it was exactly what I needed.
I ended up seeing this particular counselor for a year, and not the whole year was not spent on that specific relationship. It may have started with that particular issue, but it led to so much more. I learned so many things about myself, and I found a new appreciation for this concept of “therapy”. I hate to admit it, but I really didn’t understand that concept.
However, after that period in my life, I now have a deep appreciation for this field. At that time, I was provided a safe space. I was provided with a care provider that was not only equipped with the knowledge and tools to help me, but also equipped with the wisdom and understanding to meet me at my level. She treated me as a human being struggling, and not like a patient with a disability.
Now I know I am sharing all the good feelings and positive moments I experienced, as if participating in therapy will always lead to wonderful outcomes. So, make no mistake, that year was not always fun and easy, and I had to work through a lot. During that time, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and attachment disorder r/t abandonment issues. I learned that the relationship that first brought me in to see my therapist, was a consequence of having trauma that I had experienced as a child. I had to work through that trauma, and sometimes I would leave my sessions feeling defeated and exhausted. I was one of the most intense years of my life, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Sometimes it is hard to know whether or not you need therapy/counseling. The truth is, there is not a right or wrong answer to that question. It might be as simple as the reason that brought me to my first therapist – just needing to talk. There are many reasons one may seek the help of a mental health expert. Here are a few examples of why someone would seek an expert:
Dealing with addictions or substance abuse
Coping with major life transitions
Dealing with a significant crisis
Difficult family dynamics or problems in relationships
Dealing long periods of anxiety or depression
Making changes for better emotional and mental health
There are also several different kinds of therapy, that offers distinct benefits for each:
Individual therapy
helps one feel empowered
improves communication skills
Develop strategies to manage stress
Learn how to make healthier choices
Family therapy
Help treating mental health concerns that can affect the family unit (substance abuse, depression, trauma)
Improve Communication skills within the family unit
Developing individual coping strategies
Identifying ways to find healthy support
Offering collaboration among family members
Couples therapy
Restoring lost trust
Restoring intimacy
Forming a stronger bond
Resolving conflict
Cognitive- Behavioral therapy (CBT) - this technique is used to treat conditions such as
Eating disorders
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Phobias
Bipolar disorder
Anxiety disorder
Substance abuse and addiction
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
As you can see, there can be many factors that can play a role in deciding if or when therapy would be right for you. It is important to do some research to decide what kind of therapy would be appropriate for you, and then finding who would be the most appropriate therapist to go to. Some simple ways to help you narrow down your search would be to first figure out what your main concern is, and the goals you are trying to work toward to help you resolve that concern (I.e., going to CBT therapy for bipolar disorder, or couples therapy to help your marriage). Once you know that, an easy way to narrow down your search of therapist is to simply start with contacting your insurance provider to determine who is covered by your insurance. Online reviews, or personal recommendations are also helpful ways to narrow your search for the right provider for you.
I am not writing this to tell anyone what to do, or to sell you on the idea of “therapy”. It needs to be the right decision for you, and honestly, it only really helps if you are ready. However, I wanted to share my story to show that there is hope and there are people in the world who care. There are people who have made a career out of learning how to help those who are struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically. In a world full of fear and uncertainty, you’ve got to admit, that is a beautiful concept.
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