Something I still struggle with today is the question of “How do I stop seeking approval from others?”. This is something everyone could ponder for hours and never have an exact solution to. Society has always pushed a social standard of achievement that is especially prevalent in teenage years- the most formative time for career choices. It is, however, important to maintain your own boundaries, aspirations, and happiness during these formative times. You have to do this by obtaining your own idea of success first and foremost, and letting others have their own opinion- to themselves.
Let’s begin with discussing boundaries and how to uphold them when outside input is influencing your decisions. Scienceofpeople.com says “The more precise you can express your boundaries, the more likely your boundaries will be respected.” and I think this is an important mindset to start with surrounding boundaries. There are a few simple, yet non- all-encompassing steps you can implement in your life. Saying NO, simpler said than done but really the most important word when you want to stop letting your own life be influenced by others’ needs. Being assertive with your decisions, positive or negative, you should present yourself as having thought through your options carefully with a clear conclusion.
Additionally, your goals for your future career or life path are completely up to you, you will live that life you molded for yourself. Let’s be clear, support from outside influence is often necessary and important for a person’s wellbeing, but this does not constitute an entitlement to your life decisions. Someone who genuinely wants to support your happiness will understand this. Your success is determined by your own definition because it is relative. One person’s idea of happiness, achievement, or success is entirely different from your own because of their difference in life experiences. Berkleleywellbeing.com says “Success is about perception. It can be a defeat but if you think it is a good result you will be happy.” and effectively shows the person definition we all have with achievements.
Finally, when we tie this all together we get a few common denominators that lead to an ultimate conclusion- your life is your own to do with as you please. Outside input that deems your lifestyle as “acceptable” is doing so by their own standards, and therefore useless input. You must learn to develop your own input and effectively put it forth within your own life, while rejecting the societal message that we should project that input onto others. To start simple, say no and respect your own boundaries, as well as everyone else’s. Being assertive will once again solidify your input and force yourself to value it! Last, understand that you owe everyone nothing and they decided of their own free will to affect your life positively. Happiness is a detrimental element of living a fruitful life. Seeking approval from others is effectively stripping this fruitfulness from your life. Self-approval is necessary for your own opinion and growth. Seeking approval is detrimental to your self-approval and transitively detrimental to your growth.
References
123rf.com. Retrieved September 5, 2022, from https://www.123rf.com/photo_51126039_rubber-stamp-with-text-you-re-approved-inside-vector-illustration.html.
How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely. Scienceofpeople.com. Retrieved September 5, 2022, from https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/definition-of-success.html.
The Definition of Success: What’s Your Personal Definition? Berkeleywellbeing.com. Retrieved September 5, 2022, from https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/definition-of-success.html.
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